The Doldrums

The Doldrums.

It is entirely possible you may never have heard of them. Or it. ‘It’ being an area of very low winds around the Earth’s equator, due to the spin of the Earth on its axis and the climatic effects of the Sun being at it’s highest intensity (It’s a geography thing – Thank you Mrs Oldfield for that info in 1975). It is well known to sailors of old (and new) as being a zone where making progress on your sailing ship is very slow as there is no wind pushing you forward. You just simply had to wait for the bits of wind available to get you through. It may last days or weeks.

Or you may have heard the saying as a reference to feeling as though you are in a headspace where nothing seems to be happening, and you just can’t seem to get ‘out of the bit’.

The second one is the one that I have been feeling of recent times. And it seems that I am not the only one. By a long chalk.

There are many potential reasons for feeling like you have run out of steam, that there’s no water left in the pot and nothing heating it up. Maybe a reaction to the two-year lockdown, maybe coming through the winter darkness (7hrs of daylight in the middle of winter and less than 8hrs a day for 2 months), maybe the coldness and wanting to stay inside and hunker down in your cosy things. Plus of course the myriad of personal issues that people go through. And it may be that the moon is in Pisces.

Whatever the cause, the symptoms and the emotions are the same. Lack of motivation, lack of energy, lack of oomph. And it seems to be more prevalent this year than any previous, so maybe a combination of the lockdown with the many issues that happen every year.

Then we have other issues: anxiety, fear, worry, and cloudiness of thought. (Higher bills, war, health issues…….)

Mix into this cocktail a shot each of: increased alcohol intake, less healthy eating, reduced exercise, and less fresh air.

Then top the whole thing off with a large squirt of isolation from friends, less banter, less contact with our fellow humans, less connection (more disconnection) – and for our species this is a massive problem.

Is it any wonder that many of us are dealing with the Doldrums.

But these last few days I have seen the Snowdrops blanketing one of the places I go walking, and the Crocuses are starting to pop through, with the Daffies close on their heels. Buds on the trees are yawning and hinting that they may want to stretch their leaves out soon. The glorious Rhododendron buds are starting to get ready to burst with their purpleness. Some of this progress is a few days and weeks away, but there is notification that the winds of seasonal change are approaching. And in my heart and soul I feel the stirrings of renewal, spirits are lifting.

Nature, be it DNA of any life form, needs a pause. And we forget this. In our world of always wanting to do more, have more, to strive, to reach, we feel that we shouldn’t have a rest (and if ever you see the word ‘should’ thrust upon you, take a long hard look at why or why not – be your own preference, not someone else’s). Yet nature is resting all around us. It is getting ready to grow again. Even the trauma of the storms, that broke many a tree, made way for new growth that would not exist without the storm. The trauma of this war in Ukraine, as abhorrent as it is, has already made way for renewed collaboration between otherwise bickering entities. People have risen to be involved, to reach out to our fellows, knowing that we are all one energy, whether we know it consciously or not. And ‘old wood’ in the form of obsolete ideas from fearful, stifled, repressed brains, will give way to creativity of thought from our now budding, invigorated, near infinite imagination. Renewed hope and energy are awakening us from our slumbering humanity and will drag our sorry arses back towards togetherness and ‘being’.

This moment is the only thing that exists. What happened 5 seconds ago, never mind 50 years ago cannot be changed, but how we look at it can be. If it is holding us back in shame, guilt, or regret, doubt, fear, or worry, then it has no purpose in this moment. But we have to deal with it to release its power over us. I had decades of black plastic bags full of my rubbish, I had put them away in a dark corner and screwed the lid on tight. But the pressure cooker of life blew the lid off and I fell like a stone. I was forced to look at past, mostly self-inflicted, traumas, and I chose to face them rather than look for the lid of blame, look at them for what they were – decisions that I made with the conditions at the time, knowing that hindsight is a vague, seductive demon. It is an ongoing project called loving forgiveness. It has led to me connecting with some amazing souls and disconnecting with some other amazing souls.

So on this journey across the fluid oceans of life, through the storms and the Doldrums, through the resting in port and the excitement of the wind in the sails, I can feel the now-ness of this moment, knowing that the next moment will be different, knowing that there are cracks everywhere – letting the light in and letting your light out, perfect in its imperfection.